Did you know its only 37 days until Christmas?!?!
WTF?!?!
Where in the heck did 2007 go??!
This is what I get for taking the time to get things organized and on schedule. I just realized....another whole year is almost gone.
Blew me away! Maybe I should stay in the dazed and confused world?!?!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Pickin' Up the Pieces and Getting on Schedule
I didn't realize how much time I've lost and the amount of confusion and unorganized I have become in the month of November. Scratch that .........in the past 2-3 years!
I don't know if its because I'm getting older and losing my mind perhaps?!
or just too many things and can't think straight. I use to be AWESOME when it came to remember things, I could quote what someone said in a conversation 6 months ago, word for word. I impressed the crap out of everyone. When I was working I could tell you what company ordered what automotive part and how to access their systems and find detailed information.
Now.......I'm lucky if I remember a doctors appoint. Or worse yet, the time of the same therapy session we have every week on Mondays.....is that 1:00 or 2:00?? no wait, maybe it's 3:00. Sheesh!
What is my deal?! Answers anyone? Ok, right now, right now in Blogger-World, I am making a New Years Resolution in November, make that mid November!
I am getting organized and I am staying on schedule! END OF STORY. Don't ask me to waiver from my schedule, don't ask me to put something away and hide it just for the sake of putting it away, it will have a designated spot.
Ahhhhh, I feel much better now! Seriously. I am up at 4:00 a.m., and I am starting off by cleaning off my desk and getting this pile of mail cleared up.
Oh yeah, and just cause I'm tired of the same ol' colors, we're going to be switching up the layout of the blog......something to look forward too!
I don't know if its because I'm getting older and losing my mind perhaps?!
or just too many things and can't think straight. I use to be AWESOME when it came to remember things, I could quote what someone said in a conversation 6 months ago, word for word. I impressed the crap out of everyone. When I was working I could tell you what company ordered what automotive part and how to access their systems and find detailed information.
Now.......I'm lucky if I remember a doctors appoint. Or worse yet, the time of the same therapy session we have every week on Mondays.....is that 1:00 or 2:00?? no wait, maybe it's 3:00. Sheesh!
What is my deal?! Answers anyone? Ok, right now, right now in Blogger-World, I am making a New Years Resolution in November, make that mid November!
I am getting organized and I am staying on schedule! END OF STORY. Don't ask me to waiver from my schedule, don't ask me to put something away and hide it just for the sake of putting it away, it will have a designated spot.
Ahhhhh, I feel much better now! Seriously. I am up at 4:00 a.m., and I am starting off by cleaning off my desk and getting this pile of mail cleared up.
Oh yeah, and just cause I'm tired of the same ol' colors, we're going to be switching up the layout of the blog......something to look forward too!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
And Our Lives Move On....
Where to begin.......
if you had asked me this morning what day it was or the date, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. This past couple of weeks have been a whirl wind of events. Some happy but mostly sad.
We buried my mom, my bestest mom, and my shoulder to cry on. I won't go into much detail, just that I will miss her greatly, and it saddens me even more so knowing that Daniel probably won't remember her when he grows up. He will just know her from what I tell her and the stories. I don't think it could have been more touching to me when Daniel stood beside my mom's hospital bed and patted her hand, and looked up at her to see if she was smiling down at him. It was unfortunate that at that time, Grandma was not awake, but I think she felt him there. Or when we laid Daniel in my mothers arm when she was laying in bed and he snuggled in next to her. I think she felt that too, even though she wasn't able to respond. But I think she knew.
I have a new task added onto my things for Daniel, and that is to make sure that I do everything in my power to make him remember his Grandma, to teach him all the things that she taught me. And for me, to be his strong shoulder to carry him when he is down.
What I learned about my family members??? Well, an event like this can either bring you closer together, or tear you apart. I come from a fairly large family, the youngest of 12, and found that we each have our own little niche in where we belong and what we offer to the family.
There are the family members who are the leaders, the caregivers, the good listeners, the shoulder to cry on, the hand holders, the pray-ers, the peacekeepers, the food preparer, the one who organizes everything, the anal retentive cleaner upper (tee hee hee) and the runner.......the one who maybe can't do what the other stronger ones can do, but is there to run and get whatever you might need at the moment. Everyone found there niche....and my mother passed away knowing that she had everything in place, that she raised her children who will in turn raise her 24 grandchildren who will then raise her 12 great grandchildren in the way she taught us to care for each other.
I learned that some of us think some ways and the others think differently, but in the end, we do what is right and we all agree and continue on. I have a good family, and I am proud of each and everyone of them for doing what they needed to do as we went thought this awful time. I am thankful that different qualities that my mom possessed, she passed on different ones to each of us. And I also know.......I was her favorite! :) (family joke!) She was a good woman, a saint of sorts (you have to be with a family like mine!) and we will all miss her a lot.
Now onto Daniel...while we were at the hospice house, Daniel started to walk with very little assistance, no one holding his hips or supporting his trunk, just Daniel handing onto your hand and walking, on step at a wobbly time. And the proud look on his face is priceless! I think pretty soon, I'm going to have a very confident walker! and I will be chasing close behind to make sure no butts fall or heads get knocked! I strongly believe as soon as his trunk gets a little strong and his confidence grows....he will get bolder and bolder and take the steps without anyone near.
Daniel seems to be going through a little seperation anxiety. It could be because of the past couple of weeks when I've been having to spend more time with others then with Daniel and he isn't liking it! I can't hardly walk out of a room without tears flowing. :) kinda makes me feel good to know he misses me! Hopefully this will end soon and he'll be his happy little self.
Thanks to everyone who sent their condolences by email, post or card........it was very kind of you to think of me and my family.
if you had asked me this morning what day it was or the date, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. This past couple of weeks have been a whirl wind of events. Some happy but mostly sad.
We buried my mom, my bestest mom, and my shoulder to cry on. I won't go into much detail, just that I will miss her greatly, and it saddens me even more so knowing that Daniel probably won't remember her when he grows up. He will just know her from what I tell her and the stories. I don't think it could have been more touching to me when Daniel stood beside my mom's hospital bed and patted her hand, and looked up at her to see if she was smiling down at him. It was unfortunate that at that time, Grandma was not awake, but I think she felt him there. Or when we laid Daniel in my mothers arm when she was laying in bed and he snuggled in next to her. I think she felt that too, even though she wasn't able to respond. But I think she knew.
I have a new task added onto my things for Daniel, and that is to make sure that I do everything in my power to make him remember his Grandma, to teach him all the things that she taught me. And for me, to be his strong shoulder to carry him when he is down.
What I learned about my family members??? Well, an event like this can either bring you closer together, or tear you apart. I come from a fairly large family, the youngest of 12, and found that we each have our own little niche in where we belong and what we offer to the family.
There are the family members who are the leaders, the caregivers, the good listeners, the shoulder to cry on, the hand holders, the pray-ers, the peacekeepers, the food preparer, the one who organizes everything, the anal retentive cleaner upper (tee hee hee) and the runner.......the one who maybe can't do what the other stronger ones can do, but is there to run and get whatever you might need at the moment. Everyone found there niche....and my mother passed away knowing that she had everything in place, that she raised her children who will in turn raise her 24 grandchildren who will then raise her 12 great grandchildren in the way she taught us to care for each other.
I learned that some of us think some ways and the others think differently, but in the end, we do what is right and we all agree and continue on. I have a good family, and I am proud of each and everyone of them for doing what they needed to do as we went thought this awful time. I am thankful that different qualities that my mom possessed, she passed on different ones to each of us. And I also know.......I was her favorite! :) (family joke!) She was a good woman, a saint of sorts (you have to be with a family like mine!) and we will all miss her a lot.
Now onto Daniel...while we were at the hospice house, Daniel started to walk with very little assistance, no one holding his hips or supporting his trunk, just Daniel handing onto your hand and walking, on step at a wobbly time. And the proud look on his face is priceless! I think pretty soon, I'm going to have a very confident walker! and I will be chasing close behind to make sure no butts fall or heads get knocked! I strongly believe as soon as his trunk gets a little strong and his confidence grows....he will get bolder and bolder and take the steps without anyone near.
Daniel seems to be going through a little seperation anxiety. It could be because of the past couple of weeks when I've been having to spend more time with others then with Daniel and he isn't liking it! I can't hardly walk out of a room without tears flowing. :) kinda makes me feel good to know he misses me! Hopefully this will end soon and he'll be his happy little self.
Thanks to everyone who sent their condolences by email, post or card........it was very kind of you to think of me and my family.
Friday, November 9, 2007
I'll love you forever
1927- Nov. 9, 2007
I'm going to miss you forever
My sister sent me this:
What a difference a sad event in someone's life makes:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the w ay to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more , but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when the technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
I'll love you forever......
I read this poem from the website of another mom, Melissa, and it hit home for many reasons. Hope you don't mind Melissa..........and thank you for sharing it with me.
1.) Because I hope to have this bond with my children
2.) My mother is very ill, and it made me think of her. During the past couple of weeks she has lost her ability to do many things, and my brother Greg (bless his heart) is the only one my mom truly felt comfortable enough to trust to carry her from her wheelchair and lift her into bed.
It is by Robert Munsch
It is by Robert Munsch
A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "this kid is driving me CRAZY!"
But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
The little boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was nine years old. And he never wanted to come in for dinner, he never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited he always said bad words. Sometimes his mother wanted to sell him to the zoo!
But at night time, when he was asleep, the mother quietly opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep, she picked up that nine-year-old boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
The boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a teenager. He had strange friends and he wore strange clothes and he listened to strange music. Sometimes the mother felt like she was in a zoo!
But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
That teenager grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a grown-up man. He left home and got a house across town.
But sometimes on dark nights the mother got into her car and drove across town. If all the lights in her son's house were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of his bed. If that great big man was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
Well, that mother, she got older. She got older and older and older. One day she called up her son and said, "You'd better come see me because I'm very old and sick." So her son came to see her. When he came in the door she tried to sing the song. She sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always...
But she couldn't finish because she was too old and sick. The son went to his mother. He picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he sang this song:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my Mommy you'll be.
When the son came home that night, he stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then he went into the room where his very new baby daughter was sleeping. He picked her up in his arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her he sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Oh My Gosh..........November Already!
Where in the world did the time fly?! Can you believe that it is already November?
UUUGH!!
If I close my eyes really tight and try to zone out all the noise around me maybe the next two months will slip by and I won't have to participate or notice anything at all. Heck I have been fretting about how busy life is and all the crap that has been going on, and now on top of it............Its NOVEMBER!!! Thanksgiving, Christmas and all that other frickin' stress............NO THANK YOU!
I'm going to stick with an October issue just because I refuse to acknowledge November as of yet!
We live in a city that is well populated, on a semi busy street. And why is it that NO one goes trick or treating anymore? We had maybe, if I stretch the truth just a little....15 kids, and 8 of them were probably high school kids!! I remember when I was younger, when we went out trick or treating, we went out with pillowcases, and you had to stop back at home and drop off what you had because the pillowcase was getting too heavy.....then you went back out! And there were tons of kids out, big groups of us. Well that past time seems long gone in this neighborhood. Poohy! seems Halloween is losing its luster!
But my little guy still got dressed up and went out to the few neighbors who had their porch lights on, and got some candy for his daddy! Here's a photo of Daniel in the car on the way to getting some candy! My little Koala Bear! and below is Zachary's First Halloween.....he's a boo ghost!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
And we're UP UP UP!!!
First:
Happy Birthday Little Miss Katie down under in Australia!!!
Second:
Today Daniel went to see Dr. Chugani (his neurologist) for his first appointment since being off ACTH. And wahoooooooo, (have I mentioned before I LOVE going to see Dr. Chugani, he makes me walk away feeling that my child is just a typical child) he says Daniel is just doing great, and that we are going to start to wean him off of the Zonegran medication that he is one for seizures. Which will leave Daniel still on the Vigabatrin (anti-seizure meds) and the Robinul (for drooling, caused by the PMG).
This is a good thing, weaning the meds, but I will be honest with you. I AM SO NERVOUS!! Daniel was originally one just one anti seizure medicine for 1 1/2 yrs (vigabatrin) and it controlled the IS seizures. Then for whatever reason they came back and we added the Zonegran. This didnt' stop the seizures and that is when we decided that we'd do the ACTH (successful!). So because his EEG came back clear and the Zonegran didn't really do anything in the first place Dr. Chugani said to start Daniel on the wean. Which we will start to do this weekend and then he will be completely off that by the end of November. IT IS SO NERVEWRAKING! and I am so torn. Yes I want him off the med, no I don't want to mess with anything because he is seizure free right now! Why mess with a good thing?!?!?!
Then in 3 months we go back and we'll get another EEG. And if it comes back clean again, we will begin weaning the Vigabatrin. The thought of this itself gives me a horrible stomach ache! NO antiseizure medicine at all!?!?! ARE THEY NUTS!?!?! But hey Dr. Chugani hasn't steered me wrong yet.
Today Daddy came along to our therapy sessions and got to see all the wonderful progress Daniel has been making. In fact............Daniel took such pride in Dad being there that he even showed off quite a bit. He did laps in the hallway walking with the posture walker. He is such a show off!! He was so proud of himself. Its Awesome! (there's my favorite word again! I've got to find something else to use pretty soon!)
Pretty soon I'll just break out into cheer:
"A"
"W"
"E"
"E"
"S, O, M,E"
AWESOME, AWESOME.....TOTALLY! RAH!
AWESOME, AWESOME.....TOTALLY! RAH!
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