Where to begin.......
if you had asked me this morning what day it was or the date, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. This past couple of weeks have been a whirl wind of events. Some happy but mostly sad.
We buried my mom, my bestest mom, and my shoulder to cry on. I won't go into much detail, just that I will miss her greatly, and it saddens me even more so knowing that Daniel probably won't remember her when he grows up. He will just know her from what I tell her and the stories. I don't think it could have been more touching to me when Daniel stood beside my mom's hospital bed and patted her hand, and looked up at her to see if she was smiling down at him. It was unfortunate that at that time, Grandma was not awake, but I think she felt him there. Or when we laid Daniel in my mothers arm when she was laying in bed and he snuggled in next to her. I think she felt that too, even though she wasn't able to respond. But I think she knew.
I have a new task added onto my things for Daniel, and that is to make sure that I do everything in my power to make him remember his Grandma, to teach him all the things that she taught me. And for me, to be his strong shoulder to carry him when he is down.
What I learned about my family members??? Well, an event like this can either bring you closer together, or tear you apart. I come from a fairly large family, the youngest of 12, and found that we each have our own little niche in where we belong and what we offer to the family.
There are the family members who are the leaders, the caregivers, the good listeners, the shoulder to cry on, the hand holders, the pray-ers, the peacekeepers, the food preparer, the one who organizes everything, the anal retentive cleaner upper (tee hee hee) and the runner.......the one who maybe can't do what the other stronger ones can do, but is there to run and get whatever you might need at the moment. Everyone found there niche....and my mother passed away knowing that she had everything in place, that she raised her children who will in turn raise her 24 grandchildren who will then raise her 12 great grandchildren in the way she taught us to care for each other.
I learned that some of us think some ways and the others think differently, but in the end, we do what is right and we all agree and continue on. I have a good family, and I am proud of each and everyone of them for doing what they needed to do as we went thought this awful time. I am thankful that different qualities that my mom possessed, she passed on different ones to each of us. And I also know.......I was her favorite! :) (family joke!) She was a good woman, a saint of sorts (you have to be with a family like mine!) and we will all miss her a lot.
Now onto Daniel...while we were at the hospice house, Daniel started to walk with very little assistance, no one holding his hips or supporting his trunk, just Daniel handing onto your hand and walking, on step at a wobbly time. And the proud look on his face is priceless! I think pretty soon, I'm going to have a very confident walker! and I will be chasing close behind to make sure no butts fall or heads get knocked! I strongly believe as soon as his trunk gets a little strong and his confidence grows....he will get bolder and bolder and take the steps without anyone near.
Daniel seems to be going through a little seperation anxiety. It could be because of the past couple of weeks when I've been having to spend more time with others then with Daniel and he isn't liking it! I can't hardly walk out of a room without tears flowing. :) kinda makes me feel good to know he misses me! Hopefully this will end soon and he'll be his happy little self.
Thanks to everyone who sent their condolences by email, post or card........it was very kind of you to think of me and my family.