Some times I catch myself staring at Daniel.
Looking at his eyes, watching his every movement.
Loving him with every ounce of my being.
Wondering where I failed him.
Struggling with the guilt that perhaps I did something along the way that caused him to have his problem.
Kicking myself because we can't give him the best of everything out there, medically speaking.
I research and research. Not just at the beginning but all the time, looking and hoping to find something that will help him. But the sad results are that even if I did, would we be able to get it for him? Because all the treatments out there, you don't know if its going to help, or if you're going to spend every cent you have in hopes to just realize that it just didn't help your child, but its great for others. What the next thing to try?
We've thought about fundraising. But times are so tough for everyone, that it would be hard. Then there is the time that is involved, that would take away from time needed to care for Daniel.
Things just suck sometimes and as I have stated before, I am NOT a good scheduler, so adding that into everything else...
I think when you're given a special needs child to love and care for, you should also be given an extra babysitter, a schedule keeper, an organizer, and a financial assistant! Anyone wanna work for me for free?!?!
Just in one of those blah moods when I have that stamp out so I can use it on my forehead