Monday, January 21, 2008

You Can't Be Serious? OMG......You Are...You Really Are!

Ok, so I don't know what planet I've been on for the past year or so, but today something was validated and all I could say was....."OMG!, Really? way, What the he!! are you people thinking?!?!"

Me, send my baby off to preschool, 5 days a week? ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME?!?!

So my oldest daughter Ms. C, tells me that yeah when Daniel turns 3 he'll be going to preschool through Early Intervention. I laughed. She said, "No really mom.....he will."

Not in this life time!

So, this week, the teacher and the therapist from EI were at the house for their normal visit and I brought up the subject, and both of them "Oh either of 3 being right down the street, the other in a different city that is maybe 10-15 minutes away, or one that is 45 minutes away by bus! Did you all catch that? 45 MINUTES?!?!

I am sure that at this point I must have been looking at them like they had their heads cut off.
(I know you guys are laughing at me right now, thinking it comical) I am serious, since I got the confirmation I have been in tears. AND ITS NOT EVEN GOING TO HAPPEN UNTIL NEXT SCHOOL YEAR!

The thought of a school bus pulling up to my house, to take Daniel to school FULL TIME is

Yes, I know, I've done it before with my other children......but they were typical children. They could come home and tell me if someone was mean to them, or if they got hit, or what they had for snack, or if they went potty. Daniel can't. He is helpless.....he can't run from the other kids, he can't voice his opinion. I am his legs, and I am his voice, and DAMN IT......I am not ready, nor will I be ready in 8 months. SERIOUSLY.

I know people I've talk to said, well look at all the time you'll have to do what you want to do, or get a part time job......ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HE IS MY LIFE! I DON'T WANT THE TIME TO DO WHAT I WANT. I AM ALREADY DOING WHAT I WANT!

I am such a hypocrite......on one hand I complain that I want people to treat Daniel like a typical child, not a child with special needs. And now I'm saying........WHOA! Hold up here, its too soon.....not my child, he has special needs he can't possibly go to school full time!
I hadn't even begun to think about school.......all I have focused on in the past 2 1/2 years is physically getting Daniel up to speed. NOTHING ABOUT I a crappy mom?
I have always assumed that would just come and he'd catch on. And he has. He sorts, he knows his colors, he knows his left from his right (foot) he knows his belly button his eyes his nose.......but he can't talk and he can't get around on his own......

OMG, I think I'm hyperventilating!


Melissa said...

WHAT!!!! and this is mandatory? It seems way too soon to go full time, all day, everyday. I don't think you are over reacting at all. I am having a hard time sending Nathan 2 mornings a week and I can see the centre from my kitchen window!! I couldn't imagine him riding 45 mins away. That is just insane.

Justinich Family said...

I really looked forward to Evan going to school so I could have a little free time. But he is only in school 2hrs a day 4 days a week and gone from me for about 3hrs a day. It works out fine. But it was not the easiest in the beginning.

Anonymous said...

Jimmy goes to Early Childhood at the local school, but that is 2 1/2 5 days a week, then he goes to daycare afterwards for the fun part. His school is 5 minutes from the house, why would they think of sending him 45 minutes away?

C said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've decided that we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Will my SN kid get to eavesdrop on his sisters learning to read or recite poems or Latin chants or have a one to one helper in a preschool? No. I've had the same discussions with people. It's often pointed out how I could use a break now and again. What? So I can go have a pedicure? Puh-leeeeeze. *If* we send our boys, we'll have to "meet" for virtual coffee or something, but sheesh! They're practically babies!! Give the mamas a minute, wouldja?!

Hugs and high fives to you.

Billie said...

OMG Melanie! I am right there with you! In fact, we held off a whole extra year and H and E won't be starting preschool until they are 4. They'll be going for half days 4 days a week, which I still think is too much. I'll probably (unofficially) just send them three days.

Maybe you could look into something else... Like a private preschool or co-op where he would just go 2-3 days a week for the first year, then more the following year?

I get it though... It doesn't matter when, or how much, but sending them away at all is BEYOND difficult for me too. Especially on a bus. To go be with people who don't know them and love them like I do. Okay, now I'm hyperventilating too. Again.

ummmhello said...

You have every right to freak out!!! Once the panic subsides, you'll have time to think this through. Is it mandatory???? Doesn't sound like it. Bottom line: You're his mom, you know him best, and you will always do what's best for him... so don't let them bully you into it if it's not the right time for him!

Stephanie said...

We visited one school - and I am still freaking out!!!