Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Did You Ever Just Want To Yell....

I know, as a mother.........
Rule #1) No Yelling Inside, we use our quiet voices
Rule #2) No name calling.
Rule #3) Hate is a very strong word that we shouldn't use.
Rule #4) Never tell someone shut up, its rude, use words like "Can you be quiet please?", or "Hush"
But this is exactly what went through my head yesterday as I sat in the lobby of the therapy building.
First let me start off with the scene:
I am sitting in a chair with Daniel on my lap feeding him a bottle, Daniel to the "typical" world looks
"Normal". There is nothing apparent that Daniel has many medical issues when you first see him.
So there I sit feeding Daniel, and these two woman are sitting across the room from me, my back to them. Woman #1 has a little boy, that looks "typical" but she states (I'm overhearing her talking to Woman #2) that he has some speech problems and at 4 years old can't say mama yet, but can say dada...(why would he want to call your name you're a moron!)
Woman #2 has a little girl, that has very mild CP (I've talked to her briefly before), I would have never noticed that she had anything at all if she hadn't told me. She has a few speech issues.
Children of Woman #1 & 2 are playing together.
Ok so there is the scene. Here is what happened next.
Woman #1 and Woman #2 are talking.......and not talking quietly so you can't help but hear what they are saying.
Woman #1: We also go to PT for son because he isn't running quite right, and we need to work on that. Oh there is this woman that is also there at the same time we are and she had this little boy must be around 2 years old, and he can't do anything. He lays there and can't roll over, crawl, move his arms much...."(blah blah blah, she is basically describing some of the things that Daniel can't do yet)
Ok get ready....
Woman#1: Oh, if "son" was like that I would just kill myself, I wouldn't want to have to handle all of that. I just can't imagine.....can you imagine that?" "Oh and the mother is pregnant again....not on my life.......can you imagine having two children when one is a vegetable like that?" Oh I just feel so sorry for that mom, and what a waste of money....can you imagine having a child like THAT?
ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME??! Look around you MORON........you're at a physical/occupational/speech rehabilitation center.....wanna lower your voice and perhaps keep your asinine comments to yourself??
Maybe I am just a very touchy person........but this so bothered me. What the he!! do I care what this woman thinks? Maybe its because she is so far off base on how I'm sure that mother of the child with the issues really thinks. I have NEVER in Daniel's whole life thought, well all this therapy is certainly a waste of money....why bother? SERIOUSLY?!?! I wanted to scream at her......what is wrong with YOU!?!?
Did you by chance think, you MORON.....that the child you are referring to as a vegetable, possibly has Cerebral Palsy and his body just isn't working for him, but that maybe his mind is fully there and functioning and he sees you staring at him with a look of disgust or pity in your eyes?
Who the hell are you to judge if that family is happy, or what life would be like.
#1.........do you think that they would choose to have their child have those issues?
#2........just because your child is not "typical" doesn't mean your life is over and that everything sucks.
You change your prospective on what normal is. Yes my normal has changed, but you know what when I sit and think about it.....my normal 3 years ago sucks compared to my normal now.
This normal is way better.
Now........I'm sending myself to my room and bed early for breaking 4 rules and not behaving in public and offering to assist her in anyway possible to accomplish her task.
if "son" was like that I would just kill myself!
What?? I was just trying to HELP!


Melissa said...

WOW!! Some people just don't think. I may have said some not so nice things to that woman. It can be so hard to bite your tongue. You have every right to be upset by these comments and you are not a "touchy" person, you are a mom dealing with real issues.

Justinich Family said...

That is pretty amazing that these women would be talking like that. Come on people. I probably would not have said anything outloud but I would have had a lot to say in my head and to friends etc. I would have been very upset by these words. These women should be happy their kids are doing so well. I know a few friends who have kids who are trapped in their bodies but are smart they just can't always show it.

BusyLizzyMom said...

Those people are not worthy of spending a moment with our children. They unfortunately will live in a world that exists around them and them alone. The most unfortunate things it that they can reproduce and their offspring will be just like them. It is funny we how we can pick them out from a mile away. I don't think mumbling 'try jumping off a bridge' would be a bad thing to say. I work in a treatment center for children the same center where my daughter receives her therapy and to date I have not seen or heard any fights but if I do I will just casually walk away and hope the ignoramus got what she deserved.

C said...

You know, I rarely, if ever have rotten experiences with people, but today there must be something in the air. Two people who are very dear to me were having a conversation about people who are so grateful to have only the kids they do (boys vs. girls, singlets vs. twins). They were talking about how glad they were to have only had one girl each. I have three. I rolled my eyes and said, "Yeah, well, you deal with what you get. You learn what you need to know as you go."

I left to do laundry when they continued to insist that Someone knows what he's doing when he gives us our kids. I know what they meant, but I can't believe they'd be heading down this path with me. This rationale makes me more angry than anything else when it comes to my kiddo. He's like this because I'm so special I can handle it? WTH??

Time to get out the duct tape, Mel. I'm getting a case next time I'm at Costco. For them, not for us.

Anonymous said...

Sometime, it feels like you are going down a path that I have only just finished walking down. Arrgh! People's attitudes just give me the sh*ts, which is one of the reasons for equal not special (the blog). I have an inner struggle - it's the struggle between not giving up (which I've read you write a couple of times recently) and accepting Moo for who he is - whether it be walker or wheelchair-user.

But then I read about experiences like this and I realise how far we have to go in teaching people about diversity and acceptance . . .

Anonymous said...

those women are probably totally miserable.

Anonymous said...

I can understand the other moms. They probably think THEY have it really bad with all their children's needs/burdens. They probably don't empathize with others so much as feel sorry for their own issues. And don't most of us feel that way at some passing developmental stage of maturity? Think egocentric, immature. So they are not being purposefully hurtful, just blissfully self-obsessed and yes stupid. I don't know you but I bet most of the time your defenses are strong enough to deflect this garbage without it getting you down. The world is so full of potential offense. Their words betray their own stunted human nature but hopefully cannot get through your peace and calm most days. I am so sorry for your pain at their words. There will just always be people like this.

Jacolyn said...

I really am amazed how cruel the world actually is. It breaks my heart. And what is even worse is that is how their children will behave when they are older. I'm sorry you had to endure that.

Susan S. said...

I just followed your link in your post here - great blog by the way! So did you say anything to this woman???? I mean, where is it said that just because you get pregnant you are promised a "perfect" child?? If you don't think you can handle whatever you child may need, don't have kids period. Because the last thing ANY child needs "normal" or not, is a conditional parent. Course, you could have talked to her till you were blue in the face and people like that, they just don't get it. Makes me so mad!!!! My daughter is a "vegetable" like that, she cannot sit, walk, talk, hold her head up, hold anything in her hands, wears a diaper and she is 13. But guess what? Like you, I love my kid simply because she is my kid and I see all the things so many other people don't seem to see. They look past her smile to the drool stain on the front of her shirt. They look past the beautiful blue eyes and see the blank stare of a blind girl. They look past the long brown curls and see a head that droops. They think because she cannot look them in the eye and say hey, stop being an a$%&*#@, I've got feeling here, they think she is just nothing inside. They should just see her listening to Hannah Montana or HSM2 or Raven or the look she gets on her face when her brother is sick and cuddles up with her and lays his head on her shoulder and curls his arms around her neck and says "Sissy, I need you to make me better." THEY are missing out, cause it turns out WE got the pick of the litter, so to speak!