I am not sure if it is the side effects from the new medicine, the fact that Daniel is getting to close to being 2 years old, or side effects from having seizures, teething, just not feeling well, for the heck of it, or he is feeling the frustration that he is having a difficult time communicating to us and he isn't happy about it. He just seems to be extra cranky as of lately, and that makes me very sad.
It is so hard for me, (and I imagine for him also) that he can't communicate to me. I know some people will read this and say, well how much can a two year old be saying at this time? well according to the "records" the average two year old should be saying anywhere from 200-300 words, be able to start putting together 3 sentence words, "me want ball". And stuff like that. Most 2 year olds can point and name body parts, Daniel will look at your nose when you ask him where it is, will he point to it? no but does it know it? I think so.
Most 2 year olds can tell someone their name, Daniel can't. Does he know his name? I think so, he will turn and look at you when you call his name. He knows he is Daniel, he knows who mama, dada, and his sisters are.
It saddens me greatly that Daniel isn't able to do these 200+ words, or that he can't tell someone his name. I get teary when I think that he can't communicate the "normal" way. We have our times when I'm not sure what he wants and I am sure there will be plenty more to come in the future. Some are probably thinking its just like when you have a baby...well Daniel isn't' a baby, and Daniel knows what he is feeling and he wants to tell you but he can't. To me there is a difference.
But this morning when Daniel's nurse asked me if Daniel was doing OK on his new medicine I could only guess. When you have a non-verbal child, how are you to know? Does he have a tummy ache from the medicine? Does he have a head ache from his meds? Does he seem off balance? How the hell (excuse me) am I to know? He isn't eating great but that is one of the side effects...lack of appetite. Do you see where the frustration comes in? How can I tell if he seems off balance? He can't stand on his own? Its all a guessing game, and what if I guess wrong? What if I say everything seems fine, and it really isn't?
Daniel is going on two years old and he needs to communicate, be with pictures, an augmentative device, or some modified sign language. He needs to be able to communicate more than just grunts and crying. I know he wants to do more and I know he CAN do more, he just hasn't been taught yet. AND I AM KICKING MYSELF FOR NOT STARTING SOONER AND LETTING PEOPLE TELL ME IT WAS TOO SOON. My own fault, no one elses.