Thursday, July 23, 2009

Someone Tell Me Why

How is it that I know there are tons of people around me, but I feel like I’m walking it all alone?

 

How come no one else seems to see the things that I see in my child?

 

Why is it that I feel I have to prove myself to people, when those people don’t give one $hit about me?

 

Why is it that I am disappointed in myself when it wasn’t me who failed in the first place?

 

I believe in God, but I don’t understand why he is making life so hard. I’m a good person...so what's this issue?

 

Why are we struggling and fighting to stay above water in so many areas -  because when we get to that beach, the thing that is suppose to be holding us together isn’t there anymore?

 

Just one of those crappy days. 

 

Say a little prayer for Daniel. 

Tomorrow he gets put under for an MRI on his brain.

It will tell us if the nerve tracts in the speech area are intact.  If
they are absent, it is very unlikely that he will talk.  If they are
present, he may talk - there is more to speech than just these tracts,
this is just something that we can see on this MRI.
The test itself has no more risk than a regular MRI - and not
significantly longer, its just getting put under with the fact that he has epilepsy.

6 comments:

Keri said...

Who said you could take my thoughts and put them into words? Huh? Tell me now! Somebody save me from my idiocy.

Why is it that we are so much alike? My heart goes out to you as these feelings and emotions are so fresh for me right now. I only wish I were there to give you a hug. Always thinking of you.

So, where the hell do we find a pair of magical wands to wave around foolishly to make life even a tad easier? Wouldn't it be nice?

Keri said...

BTW, will be thinking of Daniel and keeping him in my thoughts and prayers. Always.

wherever HE leads we'll go said...

So sorry that you are having a tough day. I don't have wise answers, but I will tell you that you are not alone. There are many others walking in your same shoes and feeling those same ups and downs.

It brings me comfort to know that God knows what He is doing even if we don't understand it. His ways are higher than ours and his thoughs are beyond what we can comprehend.

Praying for Daniel's test tomorrow. Hope all goes well and that you get the answers that you need.

Tina T said...

I will certainly keep you all in my prayers. It's hard to imagine the worry that you must be going through. I was touched by what you wrote about others not seeing what you see in your child. That's what sets parents apart from the rest of the world. We see our children for what they are, not what they aren't.

Memphis said...

Memphis has been put out 4 times and has had no problems and he has epilepsy too. So have hope that it will all go well. Not all children will react the same, but Daniel is stronger than most and so are you. I have asked myself the same questions about why god is making it so hard for us. Seems like we are being unfairly punished. But keep plugging along, you are a good mother, no a great mother, to Daniel and I can only hope that I can be as strong of an advocate for Memphis as you are for all special needs kids.

Kristina said...

Depending on the day, I feel exactly the same way as you. What keeps me going is the great smile Emma has. I hold onto that smile when I'm fighting for equipment, therapy, support, people to believe in Emma's potential like I do.

I'm learning it doesn't get easier with time, but Emma's smile sure seems brighter and I don't mind the fight as much some days.

Emma is also deaf and uses a cochlear implant. It's amazing how special words become when our children can't use them. I'll pray the nerve tracts are healing.