Today while putting Daniel down for a much needed nap, I watched him. I've been nervously lately that he is having some sort of seizures again.
I watched him look around, his eyes getting sleepier and sleepier, the blinking of his eyelids getting slower and staying shut longer and longer. Took him a while to fall asleep, he'd close his eyes and open then again just when I thought he was asleep and he'd smile at me, give a little giggle and close those big beautiful brown eyes again.
We were laying on our sides, face to face....I could smell his milky breath. His arm was slung over my neck because he was patting me on the back, just like I was doing to him. Made me smile, and I thought to myself, that I could stay like this forever. Nice, warm and safe, snuggling in bed.
While Daniel continued to snuggle down into his pillow, I could see he was deep in sleep. He must have been dreaming, as I could see his eyes moving around. R.E.M. And that got me thinking about what Daniel dreams of when he sleeps. Is he happy in his dreams? When he dreams, does he dream of himself walking or in his wheelchair? Does he dream he can talk? Is he able to communicate with people, and can they understand him? Does he dream of himself with a disability or does he dream of himself being a typical little boy? Running around chasing a dog, riding a bike, and playing in the house? Or does he dream of me pushing him in his wheelchair and carrying him everywhere in a world that just doesn't see past his physical disability?
I hope he dreams happy dreams, and knows that regardless of a disability or not, that I love him more than words can express.
4 comments:
I always wonder what Evan is thinking or dreaming? Wouldn't it be great to be in their heads. Evan does the same thing where he pats me on my back when I pick him up or has his arm around me when we are laying down. I have a stiff neck the last two days and when I tell him I have an owie he puts his hand on my head. He is so sweet and caring and so in tune to other's emotions. I remember one day crying because I was having a hard time with finding shoes for his orthotics and he just sits in his wheelchair and pulls me into a hug, like he was saying "it's ok Mommy". I feel so blessed to have Evan in my life.
Wow. Those are some really interesting questions! Now I'm wondering. My husband always says that Charlie is dreaming about milk! Funny, because now we don't even let him drink it!
I wonder the same thing about Grace. I also wonder what she is thinking as she watches everyone moving past her.
And now I am crying again! You put to words so well, what goes through my mind so often. And as I read your words I glance over at the beautiful face of my baby. And wondered the same thing. It must be good dreams because his facial expressions are so peaceful!
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