Its the end of August, which means September is just right around the corner.
Do you know what happens in September? Children return to school.
Victoria will return to high school as a sophomore. Brittany is away at college for her second year. Daniel will not be attending Early Intervention as he has in the past. No, because his is now the big THREE years old, he has to go to preschool. I am physically ill, every time I think about it, I get a knot in my stomach. I have ALWAYS been with Daniel. If he isn't with me and Lonnie, he is with family members (and that doesn't happen too often).
There are so many fears that I have about the whole school thing...I have even been researching "home schooling". Would this be better for Daniel? would I be hindering him or helping him? Would I be saving his feelings (because of meanies at school) or not preparing him for the big bad world out there? There are so many "what ifs" that I can't count. What if someone hits him? He can't tell me. What if he is afraid? I won't be there to protect him, and tell him its OK. He looks to me to be his protector, and they expect me to bring him to school and just drop him off?! He is going to think I abandoned him. These other people that I am leaving him with don't know how to read his eyes. They don't know his little quirks, what scares him, that loud noises startle him, that laying flat on his back makes him feel like he is falling, that switch toys really scare him? That he doesn't like sheep? That things he isn't' familiar with make him blink rapidly. That pop up books freak him out?!
UUUgh, I'm going to throw up. I need some anxiety pills....I'm freakin' out right about now. 4 frickin' days until my baby is going to preschool!
All that said....his teacher and therapists are really cool! They came last week for a home visit to help Daniel get ready for the transition so he wont' be scared when we first leave him there. Hell who am I kidding.....they came last week to make me feel more comfortable, they came for ME! I'm going to be the one crying. I am sure he will love it. I will HATE it.
I hope the school doesn't call the police because there is a strange woman sitting in her car in the parking lot of the school. No fears......its just me watching Daniel through the window!